Doors from grounds of El Santuario de Chimayo
Doors leaving St. Francis Cathedral Basilica, Santa Fe
Doors are symbols of communication. Whether it is a closing door to something you leave behind or an opening door to new adventures. Doors that are closing keep you inside of yourself. Doors opening welcome and invite you to open your self to new experiences. Each one brings a lesson and each one has its own risks.
One year ago I took a step and opened the door to myself. I had locked myself away so long ago that I forgot what if felt like to step outside and feel the sunshine on my face and the smell of flowers in the wind. I thought I was open and growing but it was a slow painful growth. Like when you bring a plant indoors for the winter and its just not the same as when it drinks the first rain of spring outside your window. It looks brighter, stands taller and suddenly sprouts new growth. It was like that for me.
So I took off the self imposed locks on my heart and I surrendered to the Greater Good. I was afraid, vulnerable, and oh so out of control. For me a great leap to let go but I finally understood that as long as I stood in my own way, trying to direct my own path, and working against my better interest by making wrong choices in people, places and work I would stay locked inside. I could no longer stay there nursing my wounds, it was time to embrace the healing.
On the outside everything looked fine but behind that door I was lonely and miserable in everything in my life. Wounded by a great loss and unable to find a safe place, only temporary places that proved not to be genuine. As an Aspie life is already a challenge and sometimes outside influences get the best of me. I found the courage to let go and trust myself in spite of age old records of people in my life saying I cant. I shut off the LPs, tapes, 8 tracks, and CDs. As one of my teachers says, be wary of people's good intentions, they are not always with you in mind".
In the surrender of letting go I felt a physical release as I opened the door to my soul. One year later and I have never been happier in my life. Not that all my challenges suddenly left me or magically I am a new person. Its more like that gentle rain washing over me and the door moves easily instead of stuck and creaking. Its how I walk through the doors of life that has changed eagerly anticipating the next rain shower of challenges and rewards. I found myself again. I reclaimed the life I once lived but with new eyes always moving forward and no looking back.
Open the door to yourself. Don't listen to the voices that tell you how to open it, when to open it , and who to let in. Its your choice let go and surrender to yourself. Walk through the next door of your path and welcome the challenge.